we can’t go back now.

We are riding a train and I can’t find my boarding pass, although I must have had one to get on the train in the first place. 

The woman across from me says “What have you done to your hair?” She runs a brush through it, stares at me, and says “Why, you look ridiculous!” She laughs, and I suddenly realize it is always going to be this way.

We get off the train. My friend wants to get a frozen pizza, one with a thick crust, and bake it at her house, which is nearby, and then get back on the train. I am worried about missing the train. She says we have plenty of time. 

I am worried about the train. 

Something is stolen from us and a tall Russian tells us he has moved our luggage to his car of the train in order to guard it. I wonder if he will make me show the boarding pass I do not have. 

My friend is convinced we can get the train. She tells me to stop worrying. I cannot. I don’t even know where we’re going on the train in the first place. 

Someone is dead, and I can’t remember who. 

I worry about the train. 

Earlier, someone handed me a child, a baby boy, and said he was mine. I named him after me immediately, and then realized he had ruined my life, and nothing would ever be the same. 

I wake up, and I am still worried about the train.